I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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