Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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