Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
