I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
