my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
