apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
