I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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