well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have post one night stand depression
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize