have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
