i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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