I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
