HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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