I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
