theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
