I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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