I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
