im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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