:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
