that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
