so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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