Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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