1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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