MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize