Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
