Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i now understand why vodka
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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