Sponge bath it is.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
