if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
