i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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