OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
