i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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