I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
