he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
