mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize