I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
