her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
