Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize