I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am one with the molecules
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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