Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
