After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
