If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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