my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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