In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
