If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
then he tried to convert me to islam
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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