I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
