If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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