It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
