I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize