hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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