You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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