nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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