He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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