i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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