Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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