so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
