The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
