At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
