did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
