We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
