i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Terrible idea I love it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
