You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
