It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
