And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
