About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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