I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
