so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize