So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
