I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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