found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
