In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
