How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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