I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
