I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
