But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
