Jerry, you need to find god
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
