Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my being single is dangerous.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
