just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize