A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's get the cat blown out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
