so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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