Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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