Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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