I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
