There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
