All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
