She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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