its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
