Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
