i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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