Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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