eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize