My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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