My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
