he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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