Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
