there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
