just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
