i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
