ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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