He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
