Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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