you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
