I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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