i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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