I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
