Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and she was petting her beer can
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
