im having a threesome with these popsicles
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
