i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
