upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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