honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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