I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
